


Filling In Blank Spaces

by YohKoBennington



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-19 09:55:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1465090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YohKoBennington/pseuds/YohKoBennington
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Some people are born to be roamers, Jared. No matter how much we love them, or roots they grow in a place, their free spirit will always win."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Filling In Blank Spaces

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2014 [SPN Springfling](http://spnspringfling.livejournal.com/) @ LJ.

**~*~**

The curtain dances with the late spring warm breeze that blows through the open window. Jared follows its shadow over the floor from the blinding ray of sunshine of early morning. He gets lost in it, tuning out the waking world outside, and Jensen, sitting on the corner of Jared's bed as he finishes getting his boots on. But soon, his eyes trace to Jensen's back. At the way his muscles move under the leather jacket, the soft hair visible over the collar and the base of Jensen's neck, to his messy spiked hair. He can see a hint of Jensen's pointed nose, and the shadow of his scruff.

Jensen lets his foot drop back to the floor when his done. Standing up, he checks his pockets for his keys, and then looks at Jared, who's been watching him, wanting to say so much, but knowing it won't matter if he did. Because this is what they do, this is what Jared can get from Jensen, and he has no right to ask for anything from him. So when Jensen rounds the bed and kisses him, Jared memorizes the taste of his lips, the warmth of his tongue, and the smell of Jared's soap on his skin. Because memories are all he will have left when Jensen walks out of his door. Who knows for how long. Who knows if forever.

“Take care,” Jensen’s honey-gruff voice tangles with the beating of Jared's heart.

For moment, Jared is tempted to ask him to stay. Beg if it's necessary. Instead he watches as Jensen grabs his duffel bag and leaves without looking back. If he asked, Jensen wouldn't stay. If he begged to him, Jensen wouldn't come back.

All Jared has, is the certainty that Jensen never says good-bye.

 

**~*~**

When Jared was three years old his father left their family. Jared remembers how much his mother cried for him, and how long she waited for him to come back. He never did. His mother raised him and his brother on her own, until the day she got sick and couldn't do it anymore.

“Some people are born to be roamers, Jared. No matter how much we love them, or roots they grow in a place, their free spirit will always win." She told him before dying that night, and Jared swore he would never love somebody the way his mother loved his father.

 

**~*~**

Somehow he ends up living in a town in Arizona so small you could see the end of it from the beginning of the road that welcomed you. Where people come and go, some with stories to tell, others passing by without a word to spare.

One night, two years later, he meets Jensen, at the bar Jared works at on the weekends just to not stay at home staring at a spot in the wall, wondering what the fuck is the meaning of his life. Jensen, whose easy smile worms into Jared's pants, becomes the best sex Jared has ever had in years.

After that night, Jared hadn't expected to ever see him again. But six months later, Jensen had waltzed back into town, and Jared found himself getting lost in his arms again. After that, every time Jensen came back, he would end up in Jared's place. It happened enough times that Jared gave a copy of his apartment keys to Jensen so he wouldn't have to wait with his duffel at the Jared's day job in the town's diner.

Jared never pretended for this to turn into anything but an easy fuck, and he doesn't think Jensen ever planned to keep coming back either, each time within smaller periods of absent and staying longer.

Along the short meaningless conversations over beer, and the sex, Jared gets comfortable enough to start hoping. To dream about the day Jensen would walk through his door and never leave again. As soon as it happens, Jared makes himself stop, because there is no way he can have feelings for someone he barely knows.

But the heart is a strange thing, and no matter how much Jared tries, it wants what it wants. And while he lies in the dark, following the lines of the streetlight over Jensen's body it hits him. He would be so happy like this. When he pictures himself in ten years, Jensen is there, waking up next to him in the morning, and spending the rest of their lives in domestic bliss.

“What are you thinking about?”

Jared glances up to where Jensen is staring at him. He wants to say, _“I just realized I'm in love with you.”_ But it's all so new, and Jared is a coward who doesn't want to have his heart broken. Even when it's too late for that to not happen.

Jared turns to face Jensen. “Where do you go?”

Jensen stays silent, eyes roaming over Jared's face as to find the reason for Jared's curiosity. “Wherever I want.”

“Why?”

“Because I have to.”

 

**~*~**

Jensen comes back with hint of summer tasting over the dry landscape of Arizona. This time, when Jared kisses him it's without pretending that he doesn't want this to be forever. When he undresses Jensen and pulls him to his bed, he takes his time tasting every inch of Jensen's skin. Jared records in his brain every moan, and gasp. The tingle Jensen's fingers leave when he touches Jared's skin, and the slight pain when Jensen's nails drag over his back as Jared fingers him open until Jensen is a writhing mess under him.

He absorbs every choked spoken word, and kisses Jensen's lips until he can't feel his own. He pleads with every thrust of his hips, with every drag of his cock inside as Jensen tightens around it so close, so close, that this will never end. And when they are both spent, and panting in each other arms, Jared can't stop himself from trying to take what was never his in the first place.

“What if you don't have to?”

Jensen looks at him confused. “What?”

“You said you leave because you have to.” Jared explains, his heart starting to beat fast again. “What if you don't have to leave anymore?”

Jensen frowns, and he stares at Jared. He must see something in Jared's face, because his eyes turn sad, and then he's sitting up, away from Jared. “What are you saying, Jared?”

Jared sits up, and doesn't let Jensen giving him his back deter him. “I'm saying you could stay here with me.”

The silence that follows is terrifying, and Jared has never been more scared in his life.

“No,”

That single word it's a slap in the face. “No?”

Jensen shakes his head, standing up. “I can't do that, Jared.” He sounds defeated, and the saddest Jared has ever heard him. He’s walking back and forth like a caged animal. “Why would you ask me this?” He combs his fingers through his messy hair. “I thought you understood. I thought...”

“Jensen-”

“No, it's okay.” He cuts in, and he starts picking up his clothes from the floor. “It's my fault.”

Jared gets up from the bed so quick, Jensen doesn't realizes until Jared is standing right in front of him, grabbing his wrist to stop him from picking up the rest of his clothes. They stand there, staring at each other for what it feels hours, but it's only minutes.

“I love you,” Jared figures he might as well say it, he's at the point of gaining or losing it all, and by Jensen's surprised gasp he wasn't expecting the confession.

“Jared,” He swallows, looks down, shakes his head like it weighs a ton, and then forces his hands out of Jared's. “I'm sorry.”

Jared doesn't follow him when Jensen runs to the bathroom. He gets into his clothes and sits on the bed to wait for Jensen to come out. He already knows how this will end, and he can't deny he wanted to be different.

It hurts, like a motherfucker. To be in love with someone who won't love you back. Who can't stay with you because, because...

Suddenly his mother's words make sense. Turns out he's more like her than he ever thought. But his mother tried her best to make his father happy so he would stay. Forcing something that she couldn't control or change. Jared won't make the same mistake. If Jensen wants to leave, Jared will let him go.

Jensen comes out of the bathroom dressed, and leans against the doorframe crossing his arms over his chest. It's awkward, something they never been before.

“You don't have to apologize for not feeling the same way I do, Jensen.”

“I do,”

Jared shakes his head. “I'm the one changing the rules,”

Jensen regards him pensively. “Don't you think that maybe you wouldn't have if I didn't give you the wrong impression?”

Jared frowns. “What are you talking about?”

“I never come back to the same place.” Jensen looks down. “I never stay longer than a night either.” He uncrosses his arms, a hint of a smile over his face. “But I do that with you.”

Jared's heart is threatening to burst out of his chest. “Why do you?”

Jensen glances back up, and doesn't answer. His eyes roam over Jared, as if he's committing him to his memory. He then tears them away. “I gotta go,” he whispers, a hint of regret Jared doesn't think he's imagining.

Jared swallows the tears building up inside. “Okay,” he nods and doesn't stop Jensen from getting his duffel from under the bed where his clothes still are. When he stands, he looks at Jared one more time, and Jared's heart fills with pain.

“Jensen,” Jared calls him before his out of the room.

“Yeah?”

“If the road ever stops making you happy. If you ever want to stop. I'll be right here.”

Jensen doesn't kiss him before leaving or ask Jared to take care of himself.

This time, he's saying good bye.

 

**~*~**

Winter brings cool nights and more travelers looking for places to stay warm through the night. It means more people stop by, and the business gets busier during that time. Jared picks up more hours at the bar, gladly willing to help out as much as he can. Besides, it's not like he has anybody waiting for him at home.

Since that night almost six months ago, Jared has done everything in his power to stay busy and out of his apartment where he can see Jensen sitting on his dining room table, sleepily sipping his first coffee of the morning. In his living room rummaging through Jared's bookcase. Or sitting on the back steps, drinking a beer as he takes in the night lights of the town.

It's hard to breathe without him around. Every morning that Jared wakes up with the ache of his chest swallowing him whole, he tells himself that he did the right thing. That if he had convinced Jensen to stay, to give them a chance, Jensen would have ended up resenting him just as his father resented his mother. He would have lost him anyways in the long run.

His stupid heart just doesn't want to understand that it was never meant to be.

Jared breathes in the cool morning air, trying to stay awake long enough to get home after working in the diner and then a double at the bar. He should probably slow down, but he doesn't want to yet. Not until he can stop waiting for Jensen to walk back into his life.

He stops short in front of his apartment, blinking the tiredness from his eyes. Jensen's motorcycle is stationed right by the four steps that lead to his front door. Jared stares, deciding if he finally lost all his marbles. He's pretty tired after all.

Ignoring the bike, he climbs the stairs and enters the apartment. He's assaulted immediately by the smell of bacon and cooked eggs. Moving slowly, he walks towards his kitchen, and he stares surprised at Jensen's back.

Jensen turns in that moment, and gives him a short smile. “You're back,”

Jared nods like an idiot. He hasn't seen Jensen in months, and he still looks as beautiful as the last time he was in Jared's life. “How did you get in?”

It's not what he wants to ask, but those are the only words his brain is able to form coherently.

“I never gave your keys back,” Jensen scrapes the scrambles eggs over a plate, and then grabs it to put it on the dining table. “Sit down, Jared. You look like you're about to keel over.” He admonishes, going back to get his own plate.

They eat in relative silence, Jared sending furtive glances to Jensen. It's so easy to fall back to what they were before, because at some point Jensen became Jared's home, and now Jared gets why when Jensen is not here, his apartment feels hollow and cold. So when doing the dishes turns into a make out session that ends with them tangled up on Jared's bed, it isn't much of a surprise.

Jared shouldn't be doing this. He should tell Jensen to leave because he'll never be able to get over him if he keeps messing with Jared's love.

He doesn't, because he's weak.

When he wakes up some time after lunch hour, and Jensen is not lying next to him, his has the undeniable urge to scream into his pillow until his throat is raw. How can he be so damn stupid?

Then Jensen is walking back to the bedroom, wearing nothing but one of Jared's old sweats that are too big for his lean body.

“You thought I left,” it's a statement brought probably at Jared's disbelieving expression. Jensen sighs, and nods to himself. He crawls back into the bed, until he's sitting over Jared's tights. Then combs his fingers through Jared's hair.

“Jensen, what are you doing?” Jared faintly asks, trying to decipher what's different between them.

“I put my clothes inside the dresser, and saved my duffel in a corner of your closet.”

Jared's heart leaps to his throat. “Why?”

“Because I'm in love with you.” Jensen smiles, eyes crinkling. It's blinding, sending heat through Jared's body.

“Are you sure?” He needs to know Jensen won't need to leave, because if they do this, Jared won't be strong enough to let him go again.

Jensen nods. “All I need is you.”

Jared smiles, blinking the sting away from his eyes. He kisses Jensen knowing that he won't need to commit to his memory in lonely nights anymore.

He kisses Jensen as he plans to kiss him every single day for the rest of his life.

 

**~Fin~**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ♥


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